change of pace ...

I applied for funding today to return back to school! I got a bit frustrated lastnight. Of course, I left everything for the last minute. I had decided on Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. that I wanted to return to school. The deadline for funding was today so I had taken a sick day yesterday to get my paperwork all in order. Yeah, I spent the whole day visiting friends and then late lastnight, I had all my papers spread out over my bed. I had cover letters to write, applications to fill out, a resume to type and it all seemed so overwhelming. Am I ready for school? With all my bills, can I afford to quit my job? I phoned up a friend saying "I am so frustrated, I can't even fill out these freaking forms, how the hell am I suppose to go back to school?!" I have been working for so long and my last attempt at school wasn't successful. Needless to say, I was able to hand in everything today in time and I have decided that I will just wait and see what happens. If I get approved for funding and for school, I will have at least a couple months before school starts to make up my mind. I am applying for a diploma in Management Studies which will take 2 years and then from there I can get into the Accounting program which will be an additional year.

I was reading Tash's blogger the other day where it lists all the things she has did and achieved during the last year. It had to have taken alot of courage to quit a job that she had for years, move to a different country across the world and to leave her family and friends. I can't even seem to find the courage to leave a job that I am not happy in. I love the work that I do, but with all the political and management changes, I am not happy. Even with the heavy workload and the extra duties and responsibilities that I do that are above and beyond my job description, I don't feel secure in my job. These past few weeks, I find that as soon as I get to work, I go straight to my office and stay in there all day till closing time. There was a time when I felt like I was part of a team, a family. It was fun and rewarding going to work. It has definitely not been fun lately. Change is hard. Especially when some of the changes are not for the better.

Another issue that I have is that I had to resort to staying on the rez during the week. I miss my home. I miss being able to go home every evening and spending time with friends or just relaxing in the comfort of my own home. I have been missing a lot of things lately.